the brain of a seven year old

spark his interest and you'll be able to render out to him how to view the world. his young mind unaltered innocent. one day society will bring you down and you'll be drawn into different boxes keeping you locked in the way life is now. change won't come until we break out. read; educate yourself. the revolution will come in literature and art.

phone call

I wake up, during my nap and he says "my nigga... I'm hungry spot me five? I'm up the street". I haven't heard from him in weeks. He was at some house with some females. He asked me for the cash and barely got in my car so I told him I'd take him to IHOP. The girls come over to the car to see if I would really take him, as if they weren't convinced so I told them off. After a "pussy over food argument", so he calls it, he agrees to come. We had dinner, he started telling me about all the problems; the shit we go through growing up; and I'm all for listening. Then we head back to our hood and he wants to go spark up with some dude so I'm cool with it. His boy asked for five on the weed and got upset when he didn't have it. They sparked anyway and cooled out for a little while. I was watching this kid do shit I used to do. Park in front of random houses and smoke; how New York... So we go back to our hood and park in the dark and watch the moon go down while we talk about problems, giving him advice and bringing him into a good place, he was feeling pretty bad. He gets a call from some girl up the street that wants to meet me for what ever reason, so we go there. She comes outside and I'm like what's good, and she's all like "I know this nigga". I have never seen her before in my life, but oh well. He says a few things to her and then she's said something to me, I don't remember, and I said "nah homie". She turns it into an argument with "homie nothing", so I'm like fuck it, I'm wasting time here. I peeled off with a bye as I raised the window, and took my boy home. I come home and sit and think I should have put my phone on silent, I wouldn't have to deal with smokers and young girls with attitudes... At least he got some advice tonight. Plus I didn't pay for his smoking habit... Thats what counts.

happiness is just around the corner

i said happiness is just around the corner.
confident that this stumble will not result in permanent paralysis
i, doctor lovo, prescribed a road trip to the other side of the street.
she looked up at me hopeless, still hurt, still confused.
nothings really changed.
i watched her as the arteries leading into her heart were tied
with zip ties stretched as hard as possible
leaving her with enough blood pumping to stay alive
she cried
i told her the scissors are in my hand but i can't cut the ties
if you won't let me get inside
i can love you like forever was yesterday

children

child: /tʃaɪld/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[chahyld] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun, plural chil·dren.

1.	a person between birth and full growth; a boy or girl:

Children, they're beautiful. Innocence can be defined through words spoken by the smallest version of ourselves. I've spent two days with my new after school center and I can already see the kids growing to love me.

I won't say any names for privacy's sake but when I refer to any of the kids specifically, I'll use letters. For example, child A was riding a bicycle and child B was watching.

So today was the second day I got to interact with the kids. I was helping child A with some math homework. I can remember doing the same problems in New York, and remember the different things going on around my neighborhood and in my life at the time. My alcoholic uncle living with us and his friends visiting the house being the clearest memory. Back to present time, before the flashback; I was trying to get him to try to do the work. He wasn't interested in the least bit with my deep, thought out insight on the NUMBER LINE. I mean who in their right mind can't get excited about the number line... Seriously though, I could relate to him being uninterested and his constant glance at his surroundings. The voices, laughing, screaming, running and playing seemed to wander in his thoughts as they did mine; I could read him so well because I could relate so well. When we finally got through with the problem and I left him working on the next one, I was moving on to helping child B focus on her homework. She was singing: "my momma wear no underwear, blah blah blah she ain't got no hair". So I move over to this young mind that needs to be reached. Child B saw my approach coming and she quickly justified her self by saying: "Mr. Antonio, I'm sorry but I'm a freak". What do you say to that? I wanted to bust out laughing, but I didn't want to crush this eight year old's concentration. So I simply said: "child B, quit playing around and focus on your homework." When homework was done, I took them to the park to play. I haven't watched kids have fun playing together in so long... brought back hide and go seek memories. Makes me wonder where the kids I grew up with are now. Besides Johnny of course, who ended up in jail for life. Thats another blog.

thirsty

Beautifully dodging bullets filled with my own dreams and sanity
In sanity I find dreams as hope
Insane I'm running out of hope
I hope to change the world one day
I dream to make the people see
I hope they're not blind to dreams in my sleep
because most people don't want to see
too wrapped in middle class
to not see past
the other side of the globe like trash
or maybe their own backyard
where up the street or the interstate
theres more than just dreams and hope
Theres families and stomachs filled with necessity,
I hope I could need less to say, they're happy
I dream I could need to say less, but its a story untold
Families happier than you could ever be

Happy to see today because yesterday was a
Dark day down deep while you sleep behind the border
Sleeping with dreams deeper than draining running water
Some days Papi was gone for days looking for work and Mami was making food from Corn
These were the good days
Now Papi's in and out and the roof is leaking, roots of leaves breathing through my roof
water seeps through and feeds the roots
they grow as another drop of my dreams hits me on the forehead
I'm thirsty
Papi says we're hungry because he dreams of us moving to America
Mami says its our only hope
The way we live isn't bad, I'm just hungry and wish the bugs to go away
Sleep on a bed and maybe, just maybe get an education

The coyote that leads this venture is looking for cash
so Papi borrows Dinero he doesn't have
Hands it to a man who's face Mami said to not remember
Mami y papi said our hopes and dreams are just across a few borders and rivers
but I didn't agree to the back of that trailer
The first time Papi was able to pay a utility bill, it was for heat.
We weren't cold in the back of that trailer
I still get the chills whenever I break a sweat

his luxurious air conditioning
conditions heat stroke dreams that see beyond memories
hungry for a new tomorrow because yesterday brought today's needs
Even in need, its time to be the feed today's tomorrows.
Because if we didn't yesterday
who's gonna think about it today
and who's going to bury the bodies tomorrow?

window ledge

He took a deep breath
As he stared down at the spot in the pavement
He picked out to land
He yelled out to sky and pointed "that’s where hell is"

The sixty sixth story window ledge he was standing on
Was the closest he'd ever been to heaven
Closest he'd ever breathed the air of paradise
Because his heart held hopelessly to the promise
Of one day not being broke

His bank account couldn't agree with his hunger
But eating food and drinking wasn't an issue

He wasn't living on an empty stomach,
He was dying on an empty stomach
Because his frustration hardly left time to eat
His broken heart, was hardly the right time to eat

Ex girlfriend, saw something sour smoothing away his rough edges
So she thought killing what they had would help her hovering
Over his actions cease to exist
She confused him wondering what he'd done wrong
But her selfish soul was too much to bother comprehending

He slaved silently as he whispered cries to himself at night
He’d ask her in his sleepless dreams "are you sure about this?"
She’d respond in his insomniatic nightmares
"Baby I haven't been this sure since the last time blades tiptoed over my burning coal covered wrist"
He wrote her a letter saying "thoughts of you take me to suicide"
He fell asleep in a sweat and woke up on the window ledge

He took a deep breath
As he stared at the spot in the pavement
He picked out to land
He yelled out to sky and pointed "that’s where hell is"

Hell is in the darkest reflection of light on your skin
"I MISS YOU" he cried into the air surrounding the sixty sixth floor

As tears fell towards hell
He saw they disintegrated as they got closer to the ground
He didn't want to fade into the dark

Then he thought he came to his senses as if he felt spirits
Move him away from the ledge, telling him not to jump

He stepped down from the ledge and said to himself,
"God, this was silly" as he tripped and pulled himself to the outside of the window
To his relief, his body flung...
Out of the window
Toward that spot marked on the pavement

On his way up he prayed
Thank you for helping me through this god
Thank you for helping me through this
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GET

smiles

smiles...
and then an Awkward silence

Don’t get mad because I’m not myself
Actually I am myself, so get mad
You haven’t seen anything outside of a good mood
And rarely do I let you
So don't mistake me for my silence

I and my silence are two different sides of my personality
Balancing between acts that keep me trapped somewhere in between

My silent moment is my brain's time to think through things
Time to process my next poem
Because I’m probably inspired or pissed off

I’m not here to make you laugh today
I’m here hoping happy has a surprise visit for me
Because lately, smiles only come after looking at the funny face
I make when I’m unhappy in front of a mirror
Smiles are rare since I hardly can deal with a reflection of reflective thought filled eyes
That remind me of what makes me cry
Yeah, I’m going to go there
Take a trip through seas that flow towards the center of the earth
Whether I’m laying down or sitting up
Or leaned up against the wall
Or facing the floor
These seas can only turn into White Water Rivers
When I think of the northern winds that move me so
Don’t mistake me for my silence

My silence's headache has never complained
About anything more than a migraine of confusion
Between words that hardly exist
So my silence's message says
"don't read between the lines, read between the letters -
I’ve written to you"

Letters written in silence
Between lines of miscommunication
My dropped calls were really red buttons
That cut off the fuel to the flame that I thought could never be extinguished
I’m sorry
Please don't mistake me for my silence

Ask me why I’m quiet
I’ll say nothing is wrong
Because everything is right
Right where left wants it to be
Left left me in between a fetus and a loss of lost love
Because I do still think about her
And more constantly do I find myself thinking
Thinking in silence
So don't mistake me for my silence,
Because my silence, is my loudest poetry.