i told myself...

I told myself I wouldn't write about loneliness on Christmas eve & Christmas day. I lied to myself. Family is a beautiful thing, until they leave you alone at the house. I drove around and saw a ghost town that generally would go by the name of Charlotte... cold and population zero. Feeling like Will Smith in I am Legend. Yuck.

DOLCE & GABBANA

moons move you like a metaphor
fall into my sands
I can still smell your rain

F*** YOU!

40D

so I went out and purchased a Canon 40D. Lots of money, but totally worth it.

relocation

ah, yes. here is the update. I decided to not move into the art house for one reason, my father. My grandfather got really sick and pops needed me sticking around, so I did. Now I am ready to move out, but another option became available. I looked at how much it costs to live on campus and shooooot, its a lot cheaper than a room anywhere in NoDa. So yeah... Hunt Village, '08 come holla at me!

22 more days until I move in.

sweeet.

doing the best that I can...

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

dear god
make me a bird
so i can fly far, far away.

If Jenny could do it, so can I.

and again I let myself down.

I let myself get the best of me. Creating illusions that everything will work out for the better. I thought it would be different. I knew it wouldn't be. I knew what I was getting myself into, but emotions always run high in this game so I got caught up and convinced myself to contradict myself. Now my self esteem takes a toll, all because I chose not to trust my instincts. People can be different but if the situation is the same as in the past, the reaction can be predicted... Or can it? Maybe I just caught myself playing the game with the same person, myself.

I might be a little stressed out, but I won't let it bring me any further down.

The fortune cookie in my drawer finally came in handy, how pitiful. Whats even more sad is I got a blank little paper with lucky numbers on it.

"current" by Austin 'TEE DOTT' Monroe

lies.
pathetic.
full.
empty.
tired.
damn.
fake.
it's interesting to see how we allow people to enter our lives. every exchange, every touch, every interaction, every kiss, every leaving and returning, affects us to some extent. the list that precedes this are things that live in all of us. we fill ourselves with uncertainty. they throw, we catch. we trick ourselves in and out of happiness, consciousness. these are things i see in me. these are things i see in you. and so does everyone else. we've all been predators at one point or another. we've all been prey at one point or another. and we've all been fools. so i stand not in judgment. i just observe. we must start respecting ourselves. we pattern ourselves after fantasy models of people, perfection, completion, happiness, and love. our persons become second to our visions of what a complete self should be. we allow ourselves to be degraded. becoming objects instead of beings. we all need to wake up, myself included, i suppose.

[It reflected my feelings for the day. Well done Mista Monroe]