selfish much?

I've been writing poems and
trying not to remember them
when I'm mad at you.
This poem is hard to write,
the same way you're hard to get
and Difficult to comprehend.
I don't know why you think its as easy
as the flick of a switch
to turn off emotions.
If you don't understand what I just said,
reach for a computer,
load too many programs at one time
and then try to shut it down.
Its not gonna happen, its going to give you the option
to END NOW
but its going to take its time.
I hate for you to pull the plug on me or
push my buttons down until I have no choice but to shut down
even if I'm not ready.
You're so selfish

movement and relocation

I am in the midst of moving out of the house on my own, and making my first real step towards becoming an adult and having the responsibilities of bills. I have come to realize how much of a burden I am becoming on my parents by living there. Mainly I've been horrible about coming home at a decent time, but it comes with the art I've chosen to chase. When I'm at the house with my parents I'm always ready to leave and go somewhere else, something about the house makes me not want to be there almost all the time. I can't have that mind state when the Spring semester swings its way around to hit me with a freshman year of college. As these are all great reasons to move on campus, I don't want the distractions of college blowing up in my face. I've spent some time on campus and I was feeling like the atmosphere would be more distracting than productive. I found a room available with some other artists I've come to know and have a lot of love for, so I'll be renting that room out for a while. Breaking it to my parents will be the hard part. They will probably have a feeling that I'm getting away from them. I'm really just doing them a favor and doing this to better myself as an artist and human being. Another thing I'm worried about is what some family members will be saying about this action. I'm only eighteen years old and to some people its going to look like I'm running away from something, or that I got into it with my parents. I think this will make me appreciate time spent with my mom and dad on the weekends. I want to move out now, but its probably going to be more like next week some time. I am very positive about this.

In other news, I have again proven to myself, through trial and error, that letting my guard down shall lead towards heart ache and frustration. Let this message sink and save yourself the sorrow by not making decisions with a blindfold on.

Oh and I realized I never posted this picture. Very dope shot I caught of Austin...



update: I didn't go anywhere. Stuff came up. don't want to talk about it.

outdoor events

today's temperature was perfect. the sun was shining really hard and the air was cool. jam session with boogie, q and bluz. Oh and the girl from the other band too. =)

today's temperature was perfect. the sun was shining really hard and the air was cool.

i want to

i want to hug you like the sky hugs the earth and ground you walk on

i want to kiss your bare naked feet like your tiled room does when only you are there

i want to touch you like you've never been touched before,
and if for some reason you have;

i want to heal those scars from it

and

i want to cut you wide open again

i want to lick the blood seeping from the wounds

trying...

It seems like when you try too hard,
you fall and getting back up
feels like there are bricks weighing you further down;
almost digging a hole in the dirt

reminder

when i'm alone
i drive 80 miles per hour in a 35
maximum road just to appreciate being alive

broken butterflies

I watched this broken butterfly try to fly
Wings slipping on butter paved high ways
Every time she try to would get high enough to reach skies she's never seen
She fell and became that broken butterfly again...

I let her leap up into my hands
As we face each other I saw bloodshot, tear-filled eyes that still remembered
Getting fucked over each and every time 'this is the one' left her lips
Those past lovers that never really, loved but could fuck her love starved mouth - shut
She wanted to be loved by reality so the reality was
She hasn't found mister right yet
They took advantage of her
Each man that passed was good, but not good enough, the good ones always passed, by*
Her mister rights always went left; missing after the game is over...
Mistakes leave before today becomes forever
Looking for a permanent male partner seems difficult
Let me edit your search strings... you're looking for the right words,
You’re just going about it the wrong way

So I said happiness is just around the corner.
Confident that this stumble will not result in paralysis
I prescribed a road trip to the other side of the street every four hours
Don’t exceed more than 6 doses per day, leaving is a process
I was letting her in steady and slow like an asprin regimine
She looked up at me hopeless [make a right at the light, I said]
Still hurt, still confused. [2 blocks down, keep moving]
Nothing really changed after the twists and turns
So I finally said take Interstate Eighty One South
I felt as if the arteries leading into her heart were restricted
By zip ties stretched as tight as possible
Leaving her with enough blood pumping to stay alive
she cried
I told her the scissors are in my hand but I can't cut the ties
If you won't let me get inside
I can love you like forever was yesterday
And today is eternity

I want to wrap words around your waist
Reel you in so I can write my lips onto yours
Kiss you until our taste buds merge together
And I can taste what you're eating from another room

I want to...
hug you like the sky hugs the earth and ground you walk on
kiss your bare naked feet like your dorm room floor does when your roommate is gone
touch you like you've never been touched before
and if for some reason you have
I want to heal those scars from it
and cut you wide open again
lick the blood seeping from the wounds
I want to be your miserable mornings,
your good afternoons,
unpleasant evenings and
your last call for jesus at the end of the night.

I want to put you in the slot for today's main reason for breathing
And tomorrow's favorite idea of the year
I want to fly freely in your stomach
Come out of your mouth as your own words
That levitates us both into the smiling skies
Of constipated constellations of condensed stars almost as bright
As the grin on your face I want to permanently inspire
I want to be your revolution
I want to be at the part of the palm of your fist that pens poems
Pen clenched tight - CLICK
I want to be ink splattered unevenly on paper
taking shape of a poem
And then I want you to read me at an open mic
make the girl in the front row have an orgasm
and the guy in the back row hold onto his girlfriend for another week...

I’ll meet you on I-81 S
Happiness is off of exit: me never

I can't promise to be perfect
but I can promise to try