forever

Do not judge me before you judge yourself distant memory
My company, whether mentally or physically; is unpredictably forever.
I love you not.
love consented rape to kiss my insecurities dealing with passed forevers.
From time to existence, my hearts clock has stopped ticking.

so forever, knock on my window while I'm sleeping;
whisper in my ear
tell me tomorrow isn't promised, and
tell me that I need to search for you again.
Appear to me in a dream, forever...
show me how many pages I'll rip out of my calender before we come a cross again
show me where to find you.
your company was comforting.
now when I sleep, I'm laying in a bed full of nails
I'm not happy waking up here,
I pluck embedded steel from my skin
every time I'm reminded of what could have been,
I smile away our poetry
like silly me, I send similes to the badlands of my mind.
The same place every past forever lingers
and like assembly lines,
attach forever to the end of all my thoughts
I want to damage my internal machinery
so that my thoughts come out broken but satisfyingly sane,
perfect and untainted by you.
I'm scared.

Because forever, you never stuck around long enough to become one with my sheets.
the smell of fresh poetry in the morning never sunk deep into the cotton woven,
Under covers and warmed by my art, but with the same sheets I'm covered and cold in my history
and the past has passed and faded away
forcing fetus memories into words telling you my insecurities.
I told you this would happen forever.
people could be different but if the situation doesn't change,
the outcome is stalemate; checkmate; sourmate; don't-speak-to-me-ex-soul-mate
forever,
I told you this would happen.

Follow me into your dreams
so that you can lead us both into existence
and there, you can hold me like a guitar
you can place your hands around me
put your head in between the corner of my neck and my body
your hands on my stomach, tickling my strings
making me sing forever is painful
from my neck, down to my toes, tickle pluck, wrong note
forever is painful
I need you... to painfully tune my love into keys of forever
so that you don't become a distant memory...

and after my rant,
I wake up sweaty... and I'm all alone again